Jan 31, 12

Okay so this is a tad bit nuts and all… But I have recently discovered that I have psychic skills I didn’t know I had… I had a hunch that I had some, but well… Not until I got that pendulum I had no real way, reason nor interest to look more into that. The last couple of weeks have been thrilling. I have discovered who my spirit guides are.  (Winking at Mekhena, who put me up to this, telling you… She has her reasons!) I know my guardian angels’ name. I’ve discovered how the incarnations work, where soul mates, twin souls and even concurrent incarnations (one soul, multiple people) come into play. I’ve been given more reason to believe I know my twin soul. (Complicated.) I’ve also been told things I’ve always known but have been too scared or… Humble to believe. Didn’t feel I was worth it. Knew it was true but didn’t feel I deserved it so it couldn’t have been true – you know what I mean? The mind overriding the heart. Anyway… Truly wonderful experience – just a quick note.

I’m currently running an event on Facebook in order to practise one of my skills; Photo reading, more. Have a look if you’re curious!

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INFP
Childfree

Article source: http://www.sebastyne.net/spiritual/learning-skills-clairaudience-stuff/

Jan 20, 12

Couple of weeks ago I got a pendulum for myself. If you are unfamiliar with it, a pendulum is any weight suspended in a string. I went with the traditional one myself, chain and a crystal, in the photograph. I am still learning pendulum dowsing, but I wanted to give you some tips on how to use a pendulum.

How to use a pendulum

It is surprisingly unimportant what kind of a pendulum you choose. I’ve tried a paper clip in a rubber band and it works as well as my pointy crystal. The difference between a crystal and a paper clip is that it would be incredibly hard using a pendulum dowsing chart with a paper clip. But to start with, it could be anything. You should choose what ever method you feel happy with, one popular make-shift pendulum is using a (wedding) ring in a chain.

How to use a pendulum for the first time

For most people, the first time you try pendulum dowsing nothing will happen. To me this was important, or I would have thought it was just my hand moving it somehow. However, some people will get it the first time, in fact, both of my friends who tried it, got it going instantly. However, you should learn fairly quickly even if nothing happens the first time. I got the pendulum in the mail around noon, and by 5 pm I got my first “swing”.

Choose a spot that is as far from all electrical appliances or power-lines as you can possibly get (within reason).

First, you hold the pendulum string between your thumb and index finger. It is important to hold it in a way that you don’t obstruct the movement of the pendulum, and if you can choose a thinner chain than the one in the picture (it came with he pendulum but I have later changed it) it would be better. A thick chain will make it hard for the pendulum to swing evenly, however it won’t matter to start with. Make sure the chain or string doesn’t fold over your fingers, but hangs directly down from your fingers. (If it happens your energies are already flowing and the pendulum won’t stop, just tell it to ‘stop’ or ‘wait’ and it should stop.)

Now, tell your pendulum to “show yes”. This will vary from person to person, but I’ve read most women receive a clockwise circle for ‘yes’, men get a counter clockwise swing, usually, not always. The important part is to find out what your pendulum thinks ‘yes’ is. If nothing happens, you can take a break and hold onto your pendulum carrying it around and tuning it to your energies, and try again a little later.

If and when you get a yes, then ask your pendulum to “show no”. The swing should change, usually going the other way in a circle than what it just did. Then, ask the pendulum to “show maybe”. If you get all these answers, then you are ready to move to the next part.

How to use a pendulum when practising

Now, you should try practising pendulum dowsing. Ask questions you already know an answer to. Good questions are: “Is my name X?” “Do I live on….” “Was I born in….” You should form the question so that the answer should be yes or no, so you get to practise both ways. Then, ask something that you ‘think’ you know an answer to, like something your gut tells you but you don’t have a factual answer to. Something like: “Can I trust my friend….” or “Is …. the right career path for me?” Your pendulum will probably give you an answer, but try not to ask a question with tons of emotion stacked on it, such as: “Does….. really love me?” because you haven’t learned the tricks to keep your own wishes, fears and preconceptions out of the picture yet. Of course you can try these questions, but don’t take the answer for god’s word quite yet, not before you do the next part.

How to use a pendulum accurately

You will get some wrong answers. That is the trouble with a pendulum, it is receptive of your own wishes, fears and all that. To remove them from the picture, you should write an agreement with your dowsing system. Yes, you got that right! There is a good basic “program” written on Letter to Robin, a basic dowsing guide for beginners. You may want to read the whole booklet, but my link points directly to the meat and bones of it, as I saw it. The program includes some terminology that you may not understand or that might not be relevant to the way you dowse, so you may want to read the book to understand what the program involves, and possibly rewrite it to suit your needs better. I personally rewrote it. The purpose of the program is to ask the dowsing system to ignore your fears, wishes, hopes and dreams, and give you the truthful answer when ever hearing the truth is for your best interest. (It isn’t always, as I’ve learned.)

How to use a pendulum wisely

Don’t jump into conclusions when you get your first answer. The trouble with your spirit guides and higher self is that they answer exactly what you ask. Be very clear in your mind about what you want to know, and form a question with a bit of thought. It is also a good idea to recheck the answer by asking a question in another way. Such as, simplified: “Is my name Riina?” (I would get) “Yes”. “Is it true that my name is Fanny?” (I would get) “No”. Also, think about alternative meanings… Such as me, I wanted to know whether a shop I needed was still in the location it used to be. I asked for it and got a “yes”. I went to see, the shop wasn’t there. Well, that’s what I thought. What my guides probably meant was that the building is still there, but the owners and what they offered was not.

Also, repeat questions another day, especially if your gut tells you there’s something not quite right.

How to use a pendulum safely (people who think it’s like an Ouija board, listen up)

Before you start, it is a good idea to ground yourself and protect yourself from malicious spirits and interfering energies. It’s simpler than you think, and I’ll just link you to a website that explains how to do both quite nicely. In short, you will connect yourself with the Earth core, and the Guides, and then create a protective shield for yourself and tell all spirits and forces not approved or invited by your guides to go away.

Sometimes you might notice your pendulum doesn’t swing as strongly as normally. You may then ask if there are interfering energies around, and you may get a yes. If that’s the case, do or repeat your protection exercise, and when finished, ask if the energies are now clear. Your pendulum should swing more ‘eagerly’.

Things to note when using a pendulum

Sometimes your guides will tell you what you need to hear instead what is the truth. I noticed this fairly fast, as my guides know me. They knew that if they would tell me the truth, I would rush into that direction so fast, that I hadn’t had the time to stop and think it through, to consider all aspects of what that truth entailed. (Typical Aries.) So, if you get an answer you didn’t expect or that you feel is false, don’t discount the whole thing but consider if there might be reasons that you had to get a false answer for your own good.

For advanced users, there are things like pendulum dowsing charts around. You can print them out online or draw them yourself (if you have a good idea on how to use them). Some of them are easy to use, some not so much (like the alphabet dowsing charts… I need some practise)! I include this information so you don’t feel like you’re forever limited to yes or no answers. Remember to always ask if you should, can or may add a new tool into the system, such as dowsing chart, and also ask if you should use the specific chart or other tool. For example my dowsing system refused to play with a certain pack of charts for some reason, they kept telling me there was something wrong with them. I still don’t quite know what was wrong, but I found another source and they’re fine with them.

What you can ask of your pendulum

First… The pendulum in itself doesn’t have powers. What moves it is your own energies guided by your spirit guides and other forces. (All of which we may not be aware of.) This means, that it won’t tell you anything you don’t have an access to, what you wouldn’t know otherwise. Often this means predictions. If you are not psychic, you won’t turn into a psychic just because you own a pendulum. You may however ask your pendulum whether or not you have psychic abilities that you’re not aware of. Even if you have psychic abilities, it might be best to ask for probabilities than actual predictions. “Is it likely / possible that this will happen?”

Whether you are psychic or not, to start with you will want to err on the side of caution, and take any responses you get with a grain of salt. As my friend told me: “Run it through your bullshit detector first”.

A good phrase…

Often, there is no yes or no answers to the simplest of questions. There’s no “good” or “bad” most of the time. So, this phrase is really good to get around that: “All things considered, is it optimal that…” That will give a basis to get the best possible answer, rather than simple yes or no.

Have fun!!

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INFP
Childfree

Article source: http://www.sebastyne.net/spiritual/pendulum-dowsing-choose-pendulum/

Jan 19, 12

Are you one of those people who have trouble saying no? Join the club! I have had to figure this out for myself, not only because I find it terribly uncomfortable to say no, but also because I often get so excited about the proposed project that I simply find myself saying YES before I’ve considered things like… eh… Do I have time for this? So many times the advice is to “just say no, it’s perfectly okay, you have a right to say no” but it’s simply not so easy to do if you’re well… A woman, in most cases. So what to do:

1. Decide to sleep on every proposal whether or not you feel exited about it to start with or not. Make this a habit. Also take a sleep before saying yes to your OWN proposals!

2. Tell people that you’re going to sleep on it, and if you want, you can explain to them that it sounds like a great idea but you have to give it a good thought whether you have the time to put the required effort in. (Lay the ground for saying no, but this is a great way to say it so you don’t have to say a flat out no.)

3. Once you’re on your own and not under pressure, you’ll have time to consider two things: A) Do I really want to do this? (If you’re anything like me, in the morning it may not sound so flash anymore.) and B) How do I phrase the ‘no’ nicely, so that it leaves no wiggle room but is still a nice way to say it.

I call this “buying time”. You know how sometimes you wish you had thought about saying this or that instead what you blurted out in panic? This is one of those rare moments when you can go: “Okay, I’ll give it a thought and get back to you” and really consider whether you want to say no thank you, or say yes, please, bring it on!

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Article source: http://www.insightfulpath.net/blog/tips-tricks-and-how-to/how-to-say-no/

Jan 04, 12

To find out who we are, who we really are, we have to be open to alternative lifestyles. When I say “alternative lifestyles”, I don’t mean throwing all modern technology out the window and pledging to live in a 1800′s society, but rather making your own choices. There are few lifestyle choices that people generally don’t view as choices but rather milestones on a path they think they should follow in order to reach some kind of contentment. These things include things like getting a job, finding love, getting married, having children, getting a promotion, starting to play golf or going to the gym, buying a house and the like. How often do we stop and think any of this for ourselves? Do I really want a job or do I want to start a business? Maybe I want to live through donations or in a monastery? With love, do I want to love a man or a woman, do I want a monogamous relationship, do I want to get married? Do I want to live on a beach, forest or maybe on the road? Then, do I want to have or adopt children while I’m young, older or not at all? These are big things to choose from, and the choice of your life style will rule the way you live.

Do you remember a time in your childhood, when you wanted to do something Fun and Crazy, and totally doable, but your parents said it was out of the question? That’s when you probably decided that “once I’m grown up, you can’t tell me what to do!” Then you wouldn’t have considered it to be one of your lifestyle choices, but it probably was. Unfortunately, by the time you reached adulthood, you have been so heavily programmed into a certain way of thinking, that you actually think your ideal lifestyle is your own, or that you were the one making your own lifestyle choices. There is a lot of alternative lifestyles to choose from, and obviously, it could well be that you need to create a lifestyle of your own.

Do you remember when you were a teenager, you probably asked the question “why should I?” a few times, at least in your mind. I encourage you to revert back to the teen aged mode of living; questioning everything, being accepting to alternative lifestyles, that was when we felt we were able to do different lifestyle choices; Then you might have been completely cool with the idea of touring with your band ’till the day you die or starting a commune consisting only of your best friends. You probably wondered why it was that adults wanted you to learn this thing or that thing, or have your room nice and tidy.

Now there’s a good question. Why, if you do, why should you keep your home nice and tidy? Is it because you like it that way, truly, or is it because you would be mortified if someone dropped by unannounced and saw your  mess? This is, of course another one of the lifestyle choices we don’t normally question. Apparently it’s a part of growing up, a part of adulthood, to be willing and able to keep a clean and tidy environment. Clearly, some cleaning is essential to health, but apart from that – how much of it is really a must do?

The reason why we tend to go with the flow or the flock with even the biggest things in life is the fear of not being accepted; to be seen as weird. The fantastic thing is though, that the weirder you become, the more interesting you are. Have you ever told a friend that “Oh I love you so much because you’re so much like everyone else”? Another reason why we might shy away from making a change is the belief that “it’s the other people” do what you’d like to do, like somehow you didn’t deserve it or you couldn’t “pull it off”. When you find your own lifestyle though, it’ll feel completely natural – if you allow it to.

Lifestyle is so much more than just choosing the kind of carpet you like. It’s more than your house or your gadgets. There’s also a limitless amount of choices to make, and the only thing standing in your way to discover what you want out of your lifestyle is you. It’s not always easy to undo the programming put in place over years of socialization, but it’s doable.

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Article source: http://www.insightfulpath.net/featured/alternative-lifestyles-real-people/

Dec 29, 11

We all have been told a million times how to behave when you’re on a discussion board. There are some very common practises that webmasters do though, that are driving me crazy, and kill any wish to participate into a discussion. That is why I mainly run my own discussion boards, because I can easily control the administration practises on them – being the only one. Let’s go through a few do’s and don’ts, shall we?

1. Try not to be condescending when you point out that someone has posted in the wrong board.

It happens to the best of us; Sometimes we post in the wrong place. I did that last week, after frequently participating on several boards for the last 10 years or so, never being told I was out of line. I was mortified when a forum mod told me that “this board is not the place for your post”. This happened after I had read through each of the board descriptions and as nothing seemed to fit my post, I posted it on the board that said: “… and everything that doesn’t fit anywhere else”. I thought that would be the safe option, but I was pretty much told off by the admin and I think they updated my status somehow so that a notice “read the guidelines for newbies, this means you” came up! You betcha I din’t feel welcome! I had even thought that I could hang out on the board a bit as I had gained some experience using their product for about 5 years, and could be of some help to some new users… Let’s just say I’m not thinking that anymore.

The way I see it, if people post in the wrong board means that your navigation isn’t clear enough. Secondly, if your forum software doesn’t allow you to just move the topic to a more suitable location without treating the poster like a criminal, you have chosen the wrong software! By just stating that the post is in the wrong place and not moving it you’re forcing the user to break yet another rule: Do a double post. Both of these problems are things that you as the webmaster should work out, and you should rather apologise for the bad organisational functions of your board than treat the posters like they’ve done a poop on your dining table!

2. When you tell people they should not reply to an old (dead) thread AND that they shouldn’t repeat topics, you’re not making much sense.

When people face situations in their lives or using different products that they need support for, the situations can be similar, but they are still often slightly different. You CAN point them to a direction of an earlier topic, but you should do it respectfully (hope this helps, but if not please tell us more) and again, not treat them like they were idiots. No matter how many idiots there are not using the search function (and if your search function isn’t good enough, it’s again not their fault) you should assume for the first few times that this particular poster has done their best to find a solution for their problem prior to posting. If the same user repeatedly asks questions that have already been answered, then you might consider the possibility that you’ve done your job properly as a webmaster.

In my forum rules I have actually stated this: “Try to keep to a topic, and reply to even old topics when it suits, but do NOT reply to a topic by stating that we have already discussed that matter. We all love this topic, and that’s why we’re here, so a little repetition won’t kill anyone. Also, a good laugh is always more important than staying in the topic.” I was especially strong worded about this on a peer-support board, where people were going over their traumas… You need repetition. Each person needs to tell their story, reading that someone has gone through a similar trauma is not nearly as helpful. Often in tech support the situation isn’t exactly that much different. Some users may be so afraid of trying out new things, like your product, that they are nearly going through a trauma while settling in with your product. That’s the last time you want to insult their intelligence.

3. Shut down non-admin-policing

NOTHING is more annoying than a regular member that does the above, and the more frequently they do this, the more annoying it is. Either make them an admin and tell them that when you’re correcting people, be condescending only after they break a rule for the 5th time, or email them and tell them that you don’t need help administrating the forum at this time. If they continue doing this, seriously consider banning them, because this sort of behaviour is very disrupting and can drive people away from the board, no matter how much they like your board. (People won’t say much, because they usually treat this member as an authority, and some will even mistake them for an official administrator to start with. They also think that other members support this behaviour.) But again, if you have a board with someone doing your job for you… You should step up to the plate yourself – or officially appoint someone do that for you.

4. If you make your forum rules excessive or too lenient, you may lose members

Often when I join a forum, I read the forum rules to figure out what kind of a webmaster or administrator is running this board. Your rules are not only about making sure everyone behaves, but they are also a GREAT way to introduce your forum to your new users. The rules that are in place on a forum tells a lot about the culture, and that is why webmasters should not take them lightly. Depending on your the kind of discussion board you’re running, you may want to add a bit of humour or a casual tone into your rules, to make sure it is understood that your forum is a fun and relaxed one, rather than something you’d expect from a boarding school. Your rules also reveal what kind of members you have, or have had, because you’re likely to adjust your rules accordingly – which is a good idea. As a webmaster, you have to find a balance between a “everything goes” atmosphere and “you all do as I say or I’ll ban you on the spot” -attitude.

5. Having favorites amongst forum members is bad

A webmaster or forum administrator should avoid at all cost being caught as favouring a member over another, even if you do like a member over another one. You should do your best to make sure all rules apply to everyone the same way and there are no exceptions - apart maybe from yourself and your team… However, make sure you are making these exceptions for the best of your forum, and not as an ego booster for you or team.

6. Choosing the moderator team is crucial

It is probably the biggest decision you will make as a forum administrator, that who is going to become your a part of your moderator team. I have made a wrong choice myself, and I’ve heard countless of sad stories of people who have chosen the wrong person to trust. A good tip is to keep an eye out for people who WANT TO become moderators… That’s usually a bad sign. Power hungry people are drawn to the position of an administrator, and they should not be given power. You must find someone who is fair, who is not too eager to edit or delete posts at the slightest provocation, and someone who you can trust to have your forum’s best interest at heart. Remember this: Just because someone is technically skilled enough to become a moderator, it doesn’t mean they should be. This task requires more people skills than technical skills.

……….

These sort of practises make your board feel very unwelcome to join, and people who are shy to participate or are new to the whole thing are more likely to stay as “lurkers” because they don’t want to be told off. If you are running a “casual, relaxing and fun” board, it is even more important to stop doing this. It is not even that you’re insulting the offending members, sometimes when I read replies of this sort made to other people, I feel like c*** on their behalf. If you are running a board that you know that no topic can never be on the gray area between two boards, and you know every poster is familiar with your structure and with your definitions of topics, feel free to continue this condescending behaviour. If not… You know what to do: Put a sock in it!

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INFP
Childfree

Article source: http://www.sebastyne.net/internet-2/content-producers/forums/webmaster-tips-drive-forum-members/

Dec 13, 11

As you can see from my side bar, I am an expert with LivePerson.com, where people can start a paid chat with an expert of their choice. I must say I’ve been taken by surprise by the kind of requests I’ve been getting, and after some time deflecting requests that range from emotional effects of cuckold-relationships to being requested for services that fall under expertise of professional dominatrix, I thought I could not be surprised again.

And then I answered a call and was surprised.

This time the caller needed help with an incestuous relationship with his sister. I must say I panicked. I didn’t even know whether or not it’s legal these days, let alone what I should say and how I could possibly help them. I decided to direct him to a psychologist – this was way over my head.

But then I got curious and googled it. Turns out that in some countries it is OK to form a sexual relationship with your sibling, in others, it’s fine as long as no babies is conceived in the relationship and in some, having an intercourse with your sibling lands you in jail – but not necessarily if you’re female. It seems it’s the brother who gets punished. So is this one of those things that we need to relax about? Previously it’s been argued that the chance of disorders in children increases when close relatives have children together, but there is debate over that. And forgive me for this somewhat tasteless comparison, but in the world of dog breeding, it is not at all unusual to mate a daughter with a father or a good pair of siblings together in order to BETTER the gene pool. Why wouldn’t the same be true with humans – provided that there’s no obvious genetic defects in the family? Close family relations shouldn’t be the issue in itself, but obviously if a carrier gene is needed from both parents in order to produce a condition, the chances of that happening is greater in incestuous relationships.

Why do we shudder at the thought of sibling relationships? Is it the same thought that kept gay relationships underground for so long, the fear that “everyone” might do it? Do we harbour sexual feelings towards our close relatives? (If you’re reading this bro, sorry for the visual.)

At any rate I learned a new thing about being a life coach: The next time I panic, I’ll ask some time to wrap my mind around it before declining my help.

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Article source: http://www.insightfulpath.net/blog/life-coaching-i/interesting-clients-acceptance-stretch/

Dec 10, 11

Justin, a parent, wrote about twitter hash tag #childfree a few days ago, with some pretty good observations about the childfree crowd. He posed some questions that I would like to answer on behalf of the whole childfree community. Hahah, say that and you’ll be sure someone disagrees strongly. (I don’t mean that seriously.)

His first question is a bit of a funny one, really, he asks: “Firstly: why does this defensive subculture even exist?”

It never even occurred to me someone might consider it a subculture, but maybe it is. If being a parent is a subculture, that is. And I suppose it is. Why does the subculture of parenting exist? Because people have kids. Why does the sub culture of childfree exist? Because some of us choose not to have kids. Fairly simple, I thought. (This goes with the term “childfree movement” that I also find funny.)

The reason why I became interested in using the term “childfree” is because I felt I was drowning in mothers online. Every blog written by women my age seemed to be about children, children’s activities and endless playdates and other mother-specific issues. I simply had nothing to talk to them about, I don’t even have extended young family members that I could talk about. So I started looking for a way to find people who didn’t have children, and soon enough found the term “childfree” and I  haven’t had trouble with blogs written by people whose avatar picture is of a person under 5 years of age and who go by the name “MomOf2″ since.

Second: why are they appropriating semantically incorrect terminology?

Now that is a better question. Personally I’ve never liked the term childfree much, although I’ve now started using it over my preferred term “childless by choice” which I like for the simple reason it’s semantically correct, never mind the undercurrent of “less” “without, void, lacking”. I write a whole chapter about this in my book about being childless by choice. The reason why I use it, personally, is because it’s short and it explains my stance on having children in one word and it is the largely accepted term amongst people who share my position. (They’ll find the blog/book easier.)

As far as the #childfree hash tag on Twitter goes, I missed that fight completely, which I’m quite happy about actually. There was a time when I had email notifications for Twitter coming in every time someone mentioned “childfree” or “childless by choice”. I admit it annoyed me when people used the term childfree in vain, to indicate that they got 2 hours away from the kids… But it’s seriously not a massive issue, is it? (Why are parents allowed to use semantically incorrect terminology?) The thing is that “childfree” is the best we’ve got. Other terms include “childfree by choice” which to me sounds like you’re actually infertile but you decided, by choice, to embrace that condition, and childless by choice has the trouble that it doesn’t indicate permanence of the choice, as it could be used in “I’m childless by choice for now” meaning I will probably have children once the time is right. The bonus of that one is that it’s less aggressive. It is the aggression that caused me to stop the notifications, I found myself to be constantly annoyed and felt I had to stop focusing on childfree stuff.

I agree completely on Justin’s point of how childfree people can come off as being insecure and defensive about their life style choice… HOWEVER. The society does tend to push people, women especially, into having children. I think gay people know this same feeling quite well, being told that something you know you want and need is somehow wrong or unnatural, and worse yet – other people feel like they know what you TRULY want better than you do. Don’t you think you’d get defensive if the society at large would repeatedly tell you they know something about your true wants and motives that you knew were not the slightest bit true? Let’s assume suddenly someone (an influential psychologist for example) decided all men had an instinctive need to have sex with their own child, and therefore all touch and tenderness would be interpreted as interlude to incest… Don’t you think you would get slightly defensive about wanting to hug your daughter? This is what childfree people face quite often in reverse. Getting sterilised for example… Not easy for a woman who hasn’t had a child yet. Why? Because apparently we don’t know our minds as well as other people do. Can you imagine how angering it is at the age of 30 to be still treated like a teenager that will one day “grow out of it”?

Also, when you interact with other childfree people, these experiences tend to “ten fold”. Not by actual instances of it, but by reading others’ experiences over and over. The same thing repeats often, not necessarily in your own life, but in other’s lives. It’s easy to get upset on behalf of others. It doesn’t help when completely rational parenting types don’t BELIEVE this happens. Why would they believe? They’re rational, nor they ever have to face the questions and comments that the irrational ones would make to the childfree about why they are not having children. (If you don’t believe, try reading through the comments section of any openly childfree article on a popular website. Mine won’t count, it’s fairly silent as far as comments go.)

The selfishness of having children comes from the repeated slur against the childfree, that it is a selfish choice. I agree it is, but not any more so than wanting a child is. (Give me one unselfish reason for having a child. Even in the best case it’s all about the parent’s need to nurture and offer a loving home to a child that doesn’t exist yet nor have to exist.)  On a grand scale though, I do maintain that having more than 3 children IS selfish in a way that is harmful to others, or at least inconsiderate. Why? Overpopulation. I doubt that parents with more than 3 children would go into it thinking “fuck mother Earth, I want one more child and Earth can choke on their litter”, but I am saying they are not considering it from the point of view of the Earth. If they did, no parent of 2+ children would ever dare call themselves “green”, not in western cultures, even though the impact of big families are directly observable in third world countries, it is the children of western cultures that actually harm the planet most. The green aspect is rarely the primary motivation of any childfree person, but it is a nice bonus to know that our choice, despite of its inherent selfishness is not indirectly harming anyone else the way having children is.

Now… There are different types of people who are childless by choice. Some are obnoxious. They are the ones that openly hate children, who wish ill for parents and children alike and who would jump to the chance to attack a parent, ANY parent. I personally don’t want anything to do with those people. Unfortunately, they tend to be quite loud. There are childfree online communities that have been taken over by these people when the moderators don’t cut that crap into the bud, because the sensible ones simply don’t find the tone of discussion interesting or even slightly entertaining. (Although I do love the joke: “Oh I love children, but I couldn’t eat a whole one!”)

Copyright protected by Digiprove © 2011
INFP
Childfree

Article source: http://www.sebastyne.net/childfree-2/childfree-defensive-reason/

Dec 10, 11

Justin, a parent, wrote about twitter hash tag #childfree a few days ago, with some pretty good observations about the childfree crowd. He posed some questions that I would like to answer on behalf of the whole childfree community. Hahah, say that and you’ll be sure someone disagrees strongly. (I don’t mean that seriously.)

His first question is a bit of a funny one, really, he asks: “Firstly: why does this defensive subculture even exist?”

It never even occurred to me someone might consider it a subculture, but maybe it is. If being a parent is a subculture, that is. And I suppose it is. Why does the subculture of parenting exist? Because people have kids. Why does the sub culture of childfree exist? Because some of us choose not to have kids. Fairly simple, I thought. (This goes with the term “childfree movement” that I also find funny.)

The reason why I became interested in using the term “childfree” is because I felt I was drowning in mothers online. Every blog written by women my age seemed to be about children, children’s activities and endless playdates and other mother-specific issues. I simply had nothing to talk to them about, I don’t even have extended young family members that I could talk about. So I started looking for a way to find people who didn’t have children, and soon enough found the term “childfree” and I  haven’t had trouble with blogs written by people whose avatar picture is of a person under 5 years of age and who go by the name “MomOf2″ since.

Second: why are they appropriating semantically incorrect terminology?

Now that is a better question. Personally I’ve never liked the term childfree much, although I’ve now started using it over my preferred term “childless by choice” which I like for the simple reason it’s semantically correct, never mind the undercurrent of “less” “without, void, lacking”. I write a whole chapter about this in my book about being childless by choice. The reason why I use it, personally, is because it’s short and it explains my stance on having children in one word and it is the largely accepted term amongst people who share my position. (They’ll find the blog/book easier.)

As far as the #childfree hash tag on Twitter goes, I missed that fight completely, which I’m quite happy about actually. There was a time when I had email notifications for Twitter coming in every time someone mentioned “childfree” or “childless by choice”. I admit it annoyed me when people used the term childfree in vain, to indicate that they got 2 hours away from the kids… But it’s seriously not a massive issue, is it? (Why are parents allowed to use semantically incorrect terminology?) The thing is that “childfree” is the best we’ve got. Other terms include “childfree by choice” which to me sounds like you’re actually infertile but you decided, by choice, to embrace that condition, and childless by choice has the trouble that it doesn’t indicate permanence of the choice, as it could be used in “I’m childless by choice for now” meaning I will probably have children once the time is right. The bonus of that one is that it’s less aggressive. It is the aggression that caused me to stop the notifications, I found myself to be constantly annoyed and felt I had to stop focusing on childfree stuff.

I agree completely on Justin’s point of how childfree people can come off as being insecure and defensive about their life style choice… HOWEVER. The society does tend to push people, women especially, into parenthood. I think gay people know this same feeling quite well, being told that something you know you want and need is somehow wrong or unnatural, and worse yet – other people feel like they know what you TRULY want better than you do. Don’t you think you’d get defensive if the society at large would repeatedly tell you they know something about your true wants and motives that you knew were not the slightest bit true? Let’s assume suddenly someone (an influential psychologist for example) decided all men had an instinctive need to have sex with their own child, and therefore all touch and tenderness would be interpreted as interlude to incest… Don’t you think you would get slightly defensive about wanting to hug your daughter? This is what childfree people face quite often in reverse. Getting sterilised for example… Not easy for a woman who hasn’t had a child yet. Why? Because apparently we don’t know our minds as well as other people do. Can you imagine how angering it is at the age of 30 to be still treated like a teenager that will one day “grow out of it”?

Also, when you interact with other childfree people, these experiences tend to “ten fold”. Not by actual instances of it, but by reading others’ experiences over and over. The same thing repeats often, not necessarily in your own life, but in other’s lives. It’s easy to get upset on behalf of others. It doesn’t help when completely rational parenting types don’t BELIEVE this happens. Why would they believe? They’re rational, nor they ever have to face the questions and comments that the irrational ones would make to the childfree. (If you don’t believe, try reading through the comments section of any openly childfree article on a popular website. Mine won’t count, it’s fairly silent as far as comments go.)

The selfishness of having children comes from the repeated slur against the childfree, that it is a selfish choice. I agree it is, but not any more so than wanting a child is. (Give me one unselfish reason for having a child. Even in the best case it’s all about the parent’s need to nurture and offer a loving home to a child that doesn’t exist yet nor have to exist.)  On a grand scale though, I do maintain that having more than 3 children IS selfish in a way that is harmful to others, or at least inconsiderate. Why? Overpopulation. I doubt that parents with more than 3 children would go into it thinking “fuck mother Earth, I want one more child and Earth can choke on their litter”, but I am saying they are not considering it from the point of view of the Earth. If they did, no parent of 2+ children would ever dare call themselves “green”, not in western cultures, even though the impact of big families are directly observable in third world countries, it is the children of western cultures that actually harm the planet most. The green aspect is rarely the primary motivation of any childfree person, but it is a nice bonus to know that our choice, despite of its inherent selfishness is not indirectly harming anyone else the way having children is.

Now… There are different types of childfree people. Some are obnoxious. They are the ones that openly hate children, who wish ill for parents and children alike and who would jump to the chance to attack a parent, ANY parent. I personally don’t want anything to do with those people. Unfortunately, they tend to be quite loud. There are childfree online communities that have been taken over by these people when the moderators don’t cut that crap into the bud, because the sensible ones simply don’t find the tone of discussion interesting or even slightly entertaining. (Although I do love the joke: “Oh I love children, but I couldn’t eat a whole one!”)

Copyright protected by Digiprove © 2011
INFP
Childfree

Article source: http://www.sebastyne.net/childfree-2/defensive-childfreedom/

Nov 24, 11

A new friend of mine wrote, The Law of Attraction doesn’t understand the word ‘no’ in an email to me, and at first I just nodded, “that’s right”, but then, the profoundness of the sentence started to emerge. Firstly, the universe will never deny you anything. It doesn’t know how to say “no you can’t have it.” Secondly, it doesn’t understand when you tell it you don’t want something. The universe doesn’t understand negative thoughts or why you would have them. What ever you ask for, it will remove any trace of ‘no’ you put in. “I don’t want any more debt!” “I don’t want a cheating boyfriend!” All it knows is the intensity of your emotion you put into that thought, so the more you think “I don’t want” the more it hears “I want!” It makes no judgement as to what you want, no matter how crazy it would sound to you or me to want something, the Universe shrugs its shoulders and goes: “Well, what ever rocks your boat, mate!” and delivers. That is why it is so important to replace your negative thoughts with positive ones.

I can tell you that sifting your thoughts from “don’t want” to “want” doesn’t happen over night, but it is very important to encourage positive thoughts. We are so used to focusing on things we don’t want, it can be ridiculously difficult to imagine what we would want. Through our childhoods, we’ve been educated that it is unrealistic to want this or that, or that you need money to have that, or you need to live somewhere else to do this, and we are even made feel ridiculous for being hopeful and rewarded for having negative thoughts! As a child, when we had doubts and fears, we got attention from adults who would try to cheer us up. The positive thoughts didn’t have such power over our parents, they were just happy to see us happy and leave us alone. But if we got too positive, they would try to warn us about the dangers of thinking too positively and try to “tone us down”, and our subconscious mind learned to stop us from thinking “too positive” before it even happens. And eventually we start to focus on things we don’t want to do, in the thought pattern of: “Well, I know I can’t have EVERYTHING I want, but at least I know what I definitely DO NOT want.” The universe hears: “Well, I know I can have EVERYTHING I want, and I know what I definitely want…” and that will be followed by a list of things you really don’t want.

You don’t have to believe in LOA to benefit from scraping the “don’t” from your thoughts though. Focusing on what you want, the positive thoughts, rather than what you don’t want, negative thoughts, is in itself a powerful mode for your subconscious mind to be in. It will pull you towards your goal instead of trying to avoid the bad stuff like a cowboy made to “dance” to avoid the bullet, getting nowhere. The most successful people on the planet focus on what they want instead of what they want to avoid, as one of the effects of “don’t want” thinking pattern is that once you have managed to avoid the bad thing, you’ll run out of energy until you have to avoid the bad thing again. Reaching toward the good stuff will keep you going for a lot longer and the bad thing to avoid starts to lose it’s power over your subconscious mind.

First thing to do to scrape the “don’t” forever is to allow yourself to dream again, allow yourself to have positive thoughts. You have to realize that although your subconscious mind has been, most likely, conditioned to believe that having negative thoughts makes you smarter, that’s obviously not true. Dream the impossible dream, read inspirational stories, listen to TED talks – they always make me feel positive. The negatively thinking people may say that the motivation of inspirational stories don’t last long, but that’s why you have to keep finding more. You have to feed yourself with positive thoughts. Tell yourself that dreams are free, and you have every right to them. Then, allow yourself the thought: “If I could do/have ANYTHING I wanted, what would it be?” Chances are you don’t even know what you truly want at first, but once you practise you’ll find more and more things that truly rock your boat. Sometimes, you’ll find that your true dreams are a lot easier (cheaper) to achieve than the dreams you’ve been chasing after out of habit more than out of true desire – and that is already a good reason to free up your dreams. Once you find your true dream, your deepest desire, (and it may even surprise yourself, mainly by “how did I miss this?!”) you will feel like a whole new person. It will resonate with you on a deep level, and it will probably be difficult to stop thinking about it, because the thought feels so good! Having positive thoughts will also empower your subconscious mind to work on your behalf and find a way to do what you want to achieve. And that’s exactly how you want it – LOA or not!

If you happen to be drinking while reading this, may I suggest a toast? Dare to dream! Let’s drink to that! (I’ll have to get a refill of soda, and I’ll join you.)

Copyright protected by Digiprove © 2011 Riina Rinkineva-Young

Article source: http://www.insightfulpath.net/featured/law-of-attraction-does-not-understand-the-word-no-think-positive-thoughts/

Nov 24, 11

A new friend of mine wrote that in an email to me, and at first I just nodded, “that’s right”, but then, the profoundness of the sentence started to emerge. Firstly, the universe will never deny you anything. It doesn’t know how to say “no you can’t have it.” Secondly, it doesn’t understand when you tell it you don’t want something. What ever you ask for, it will remove any trace of ‘no’ you put in. “I don’t want any more debt!” “I don’t want a cheating boyfriend!” All it knows is the intensity of your emotion you put into that thought, so the more you think “I don’t want” the more it hears “I want!” It makes no judgement as to what you want, no matter how crazy it would sound to you or me to want something, the Universe shrugs its shoulders and goes: “Well, what ever rocks your boat, mate!” and delivers.

I can tell you that sifting your thoughts from “don’t want” to “want” doesn’t happen over night. We are so used to focusing on things we don’t want, it can be ridiculously difficult to imagine what we would want. Through our childhoods, we’ve been educated that it is unrealistic to want this or that, or that you need money to have that, or you need to live somewhere else to do this… And eventually we start to focus on things we don’t want to do, in the thought pattern of: “Well, I know I can’t have EVERYTHING I want, but at least I know what I definitely DO NOT want.” And the universe hears: “Well, I know I can have EVERYTHING I want, and I know what I definitely want…” and that will be followed by a list of things you really don’t want.

You don’t have to believe in LOA to benefit from scraping the “don’t” from your thoughts though. Focusing on what you want rather than what you don’t want is in itself a powerful mode to be in. It will pull you towards your goal instead of trying to avoid the bad stuff like a cowboy made to “dance” to avoid the bullet getting nowhere. The most successful people on the planet focus on what they want instead of what they want to avoid, as one of the effects of “don’t want” thinking pattern is that once you have managed to avoid the bad thing, you’ll run out of energy until you have to avoid the bad thing again. Reaching toward the good stuff will keep you going for a lot longer.

First thing to do to scrape the ‘don’t’ forever is to allow yourself to dream again. Dream the impossible dream. If you don’t think you can, just tell yourself that dreams are free, and you have every right to them. Then, allow yourself the thought: “If I could do/have ANYTHING I wanted, what would it be?” Chances are you don’t even know what you truly want at first, but once you practise you’ll find more and more things that truly rock your boat. Sometimes, you’ll find that your true dreams are a lot easier (cheaper) to achieve than the dreams you’ve been chasing after out of habit more than out of true desire – and that is already a good reason to free up your dreams.

If you happen to be drinking while reading this, may I suggest a toast? Dare to dream! Let’s drink to that! (I’ll have to get a refill of soda, and I’ll join you.)

Copyright protected by Digiprove © 2011 Riina Rinkineva-Young

Article source: http://www.insightfulpath.net/featured/law-attraction-understand-word-no/