May 01, 12

Recently something odd caught my eye on my Facebook feed. Women who shared quotations of the motivational kind were, obviously without realizing it, spreading material that was sexist against men. Without thinking twice in their attempt to uplift fellow females, they cast a terrible light on men, and even worse on themselves.

An occasional joke is okay, isn’t it? I laugh at jokes about men and women all the time. Even the blatantly angry updates don’t bother me too much: She probably just got dumped and she’ll get over it. But the ones that really trouble me are the ones that outwardly sane, tame women repost in their bid to spread the love with their sisters. Let me give you a few examples of these flower-decorated hate-pieces.

“A woman brought you into the world so you have no right to disrespect one.”

Here is what I think of this… Yes, a woman brought you into the world, that is right, but why does that give every female on the planet an indisputable right to respect – something that should be commanded not demanded? Don’t we all deserve the right to a level of respect, despite of our reproductive status or abilities or which end of the deal we would draw if we were to reproduce? In addition, you can feel the anger behind this message, beautifully decorated with butterflies. (Okay so it wasn’t very beautiful but butterflies are not usually symbols of aggression.) Further, does the fact that men don’t give birth women the right to disrespect them?

“If a man expects his woman to be an angel in his life then he should first create a heaven for her.”

First of all I have yet to meet a man who would have complained about my lack of angelic traits – and I do lack each one of them. Secondly, why don’t we reverse this? If a woman expects to live in heaven, she should first become an angel for her man. But that’s not how women see this deal, most of the time.

“Behind every successful woman is herself!”

While men thrive to give credit of their success to their significant others, even when they don’t exactly deserve it, women are quick to remind each other that they did everything on their own. This is supposed to inspire self-respect, but so many times this self respect comes from the back of a man.

“Women are like fruits. Everyone has its unique color, shape, aroma and taste. The problem is with men. They love fruit salad.”

Firstly I object to the idea that all men are the same. Every time a man tries to stereotype a woman, there’s going to be a roar about it, but why is it acceptable for a woman to paint all men with the same colour, shape, aroma and taste? But here is the message again. Men are the problem. THEY need to change in order for women to find happiness.

“Every woman deserves to have a man who is proudly willing to say to the whole world, ‘Yeah, that’s my one only. She is beautiful and she is mine.’”

This one, to me is the worst of them all. Every woman deserves..? Seriously? Every single one? There is not one woman on the planet who would deserve to be well… Dateless? I could point out quite a few married women that I wouldn’t touch with a six foot pole if I was a guy… Okay so, let’s quit being a bitch for a moment and let’s say every woman deserves this, because, well, it would be nice. But how about men? If all women deserve all this, don’t men deserve the same?

I myself reached 30 before I realized the undercurrent of man-bashing messages in the society. I bought into it just like every other woman I know – to some level at least. I did not understand that a man would want the same kind of love and closeness as a woman wants, and that being the basis of all relationships – it’s not good for your own self-esteem or sense of security. Ironically, by spreading beliefs like this, women are hurting themselves just as much as they’re hurting men. Women really should not be as insecure with men as we are… They do kinda like us. Trust me.

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Article source: http://www.insightfulpath.net/my-favourite-posts/love-men-hate-men/

Apr 24, 12

Yesterday my Facebook feed was full of reshared banalities presented in the form of great wisdom. One of them was the thought: “If we cannot agree with each other, can’t we at least respect each other’s views?” I thought about it long and hard and came to the conclusion that no, no we can’t. Obviously, this was not an answer to a certain issue, but rather weighing whether it was possible to genuinely respect everyone’s opinions and views or even their right to them, and I came to the answer, no it isn’t and no we shouldn’t. Why? I hear you scream. I’ll tell you why.

Let’s imagine a person loves fucking sheep. (New Zealander of course.) In his view, this does no harm to the animal and it is perfectly acceptable part of agriculture, just one of the perks. How much respect do you have for this person, his views? If you choose to respect his views, the sheep will get fucked until this ahole drops dead on one. Then he insists that men should be allowed to marry their sheep. The sheep can’t say yes, no matter how much the farmer loves one. How much respect do you have for this person and his opinions? Not much I’d hope.

There are some opinions and views that cannot be respected. If I hold an idea close to my heart – such as you cannot demand other people follow the rules of your religion (as in anti – gay marriage, anti-abortion, anti-premarital sex people think), I cannot respect their views, no matter how much I try. To me they are oppressive to other people’s views, and there for unrespectable. How can you respect such a view that inherently disrespects somebody else’s view so much they want to override it with a law? With all these, gay marriage, abortion and premarital sex, they all have something in common: If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it, and nobody is forcing you to even contemplate such thing. But the anti-group are saying that since we don’t want to do that, you can’t either. That is unrespectable. Utterly impossible for any fair minded person to respect, support or allow.

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INFP
Childfree

Article source: http://www.sebastyne.net/human-behavior-psychology/respect-views/

Feb 20, 12

Couple of days ago, could have been Valentine’s, I saw this random pick up line online and it’s been playing up on my mind ever since. Although it was meant to be just a cheeky pick up line, to me it seemed to hold a bigger truth than what first appears. It said: “The only thing your eyes haven’t told me is your name.” It makes me chuckle as I read it again. The thing is… Your eyes really do kind of deceive you – at least if the one looking is paying attention or trusts their intuition. It doesn’t really matter what you say exactly, if you’ve ever held your loved one in your gaze, looked straight in her eyes so that she can read your mind… Well, close to that at least! I don’t know, correct me if I’m wrong, but girls do trust the eyes, and sometimes you can’t hide your love even if you try! Of course if you try to hide it, you put a level of doubt in her mind, obviously, we’re all rational people here, but well, if you want to come back from that, what’s a better way to say “I love you” to a girl than “you are right”? XD Oh I can hear them squirm in delight! What girl doesn’t want to hear their guy say “you are/were right”? I’m joking. I’m so not joking.

If you mean online though… Never met the girl? You’re screwed, mate. Even if you think you love her, it doesn’t count. You can love an online persona like mad, but the god honest truth is that until you meet the person in flesh, you don’t know. The eyes have to meet, I’m certain of that. I’ve been there myself a few times… Online, great stuff, once you meet… Blah. One look in his eyes and you know it’s not going to go anywhere. It’s like online you can see the love in his eyes, but he’s not really looking at you, is he? He’s looking at a (web) camera, imagining someone he loves or someone he thinks he’s going to love… Not you. You might love those eyes, but they are not for you, necessarily. They may be, but you just don’t know until you’re there with him.

So. To do list. (Connect the dots for him real close, says Dr Phil)

1.  Ask yourself: “Have I looked her in the eye, deeply?” Check? If so, if it’s true, she knows. Free to move to step two and

2. actually say it. She still needs to hear it.

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INFP
Childfree

Article source: http://www.sebastyne.net/human-behavior-psychology/how-to-say-i-love-you/

Feb 19, 12

Mothers. Mothers?! Yes, mothers, not men.

Allow me to explain.

Take a moment to think about this. Take any mother and first think what do they think about sexual double standards; men are studs and women are whores if they have numerous partners, right… Most of them(?) would climb on barricades to declare that women have an equal right to sexual pleasure and multiple partners as men do. Now imagine that same woman explaining to her son that this is all fine… It’s F.I.N.E. “She’s had 20 more partners than you have, but that’s FINE. Don’t you dare judge her for that!” Not gonna happen, am I right or what?

This is where another double standard is born. Sexual freedom is all fine as long as it’s not my son or daughter out there doing it! They deserve… Yes. Better. *That was a whisper.* The ehrm, sluts are all fine for other men, but MY SON deserves someone a little less tainted. Preferably someone who has had none… Maybe one, two… boyfriends? Long term, obviously.

Same goes with the daughters. It’s all fine and dandy for the neighbours girl to get down and dirty with the neighbourhood boys and the footy team – don’t you dare judge her, but MY daughter… She’s better than that. She wouldn’t even want to. And of course the mother will somehow, over the years, make their daughter know that too; She doesn’t want that sort of relationship. Not you. You are above that.

Daughters being the question, I would imagine some fathers like to take a protective approach too, but with their son’s morals, it’s most likely the mother doing the slow brain washing. Dad wouldn’t. He’d just go yeah, you know: “You go son” *whisper behind mum’s back* while the mother slowly feeds into the “no dirty sluts for my boy” idea.

Where does it come from? I don’t know… I don’t think anyone wants to think of their relative, close relatives especially, in a sex act. Any hint of such thing makes your skin crawl. If it’s a son or daughter… Even worse. You see an innocent little child giving/getting a blow job, and that’s not a good feeling, is it? No. I don’t have a child and I can say for certainty that I would not like that idea one little bit.

But as we grow up, we must give up that idea, me thinks. For our own good, that is. Would you really want to date / marry / do a virgin? Like, really? I’m sure some of you sickos would. :p (Kidding, yeah I understand the appeal but you know… After one time you have to start training them. XD)

Yeah, that’s it. That’s all. Over and out.

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Childfree

Article source: http://www.sebastyne.net/human-behavior-psychology/sexual-double-standards-blame/

Feb 14, 12

Sometimes it happens. I know this because movies portray this quite often, so it must be true, right? Without experiencing it, we can all imagine it, can’t we? Sometimes we fall in love so deeply, that there is no way out no matter how much we try. It doesn’t make sense half the time, you have no reason to hope but you hope against all hope that maybe… After all. If years go by, you need to struggle through that love, by loving others, sometimes gritting your teeth, sometimes rather easily, but with that nagging feeling that you are not really in it with all your heart. Sometimes even the thought of the undying love is so painful, that you don’t think about it… You push it to the back of your mind and lock it up… Only allow through those that didn’t mean that much… I’m sure we love a whole bunch of people during a life time, especially in case where the bunch is only a substitute to the one.

Is one to be considered blessed or cursed if one experiences love like this? Hard to say, if you would ask someone who has, I doubt they could answer. Blessed curse. And fear… It’s one thing loving someone from afar, than actually surrender to it… To the danger of it not being as perfect as it feels from afar… Or that it disappears completely. Better intense love from afar than no love at all, I suppose. How many times have we gone one way because the intensity of one love was just too much to handle? People are weird. Our stupid conscious bodies are built for self-preservation, and oh does that play tricks on us!

On this Valentines day I think of those whose hearts are full but empty at the same time. Wish you courage.

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Article source: http://www.sebastyne.net/human-behavior-psychology/love-refuses-die/

Jan 20, 12

Couple of weeks ago I got a pendulum for myself. If you are unfamiliar with it, a pendulum is any weight suspended in a string. I went with the traditional one myself, chain and a crystal, in the photograph. I am still learning pendulum dowsing, but I wanted to give you some tips on how to use a pendulum.

How to use a pendulum

It is surprisingly unimportant what kind of a pendulum you choose. I’ve tried a paper clip in a rubber band and it works as well as my pointy crystal. The difference between a crystal and a paper clip is that it would be incredibly hard using a pendulum dowsing chart with a paper clip. But to start with, it could be anything. You should choose what ever method you feel happy with, one popular make-shift pendulum is using a (wedding) ring in a chain.

How to use a pendulum for the first time

For most people, the first time you try pendulum dowsing nothing will happen. To me this was important, or I would have thought it was just my hand moving it somehow. However, some people will get it the first time, in fact, both of my friends who tried it, got it going instantly. However, you should learn fairly quickly even if nothing happens the first time. I got the pendulum in the mail around noon, and by 5 pm I got my first “swing”.

Choose a spot that is as far from all electrical appliances or power-lines as you can possibly get (within reason).

First, you hold the pendulum string between your thumb and index finger. It is important to hold it in a way that you don’t obstruct the movement of the pendulum, and if you can choose a thinner chain than the one in the picture (it came with he pendulum but I have later changed it) it would be better. A thick chain will make it hard for the pendulum to swing evenly, however it won’t matter to start with. Make sure the chain or string doesn’t fold over your fingers, but hangs directly down from your fingers. (If it happens your energies are already flowing and the pendulum won’t stop, just tell it to ‘stop’ or ‘wait’ and it should stop.)

Now, tell your pendulum to “show yes”. This will vary from person to person, but I’ve read most women receive a clockwise circle for ‘yes’, men get a counter clockwise swing, usually, not always. The important part is to find out what your pendulum thinks ‘yes’ is. If nothing happens, you can take a break and hold onto your pendulum carrying it around and tuning it to your energies, and try again a little later.

If and when you get a yes, then ask your pendulum to “show no”. The swing should change, usually going the other way in a circle than what it just did. Then, ask the pendulum to “show maybe”. If you get all these answers, then you are ready to move to the next part.

How to use a pendulum when practising

Now, you should try practising pendulum dowsing. Ask questions you already know an answer to. Good questions are: “Is my name X?” “Do I live on….” “Was I born in….” You should form the question so that the answer should be yes or no, so you get to practise both ways. Then, ask something that you ‘think’ you know an answer to, like something your gut tells you but you don’t have a factual answer to. Something like: “Can I trust my friend….” or “Is …. the right career path for me?” Your pendulum will probably give you an answer, but try not to ask a question with tons of emotion stacked on it, such as: “Does….. really love me?” because you haven’t learned the tricks to keep your own wishes, fears and preconceptions out of the picture yet. Of course you can try these questions, but don’t take the answer for god’s word quite yet, not before you do the next part.

How to use a pendulum accurately

You will get some wrong answers. That is the trouble with a pendulum, it is receptive of your own wishes, fears and all that. To remove them from the picture, you should write an agreement with your dowsing system. Yes, you got that right! There is a good basic “program” written on Letter to Robin, a basic dowsing guide for beginners. You may want to read the whole booklet, but my link points directly to the meat and bones of it, as I saw it. The program includes some terminology that you may not understand or that might not be relevant to the way you dowse, so you may want to read the book to understand what the program involves, and possibly rewrite it to suit your needs better. I personally rewrote it. The purpose of the program is to ask the dowsing system to ignore your fears, wishes, hopes and dreams, and give you the truthful answer when ever hearing the truth is for your best interest. (It isn’t always, as I’ve learned.)

How to use a pendulum wisely

Don’t jump into conclusions when you get your first answer. The trouble with your spirit guides and higher self is that they answer exactly what you ask. Be very clear in your mind about what you want to know, and form a question with a bit of thought. It is also a good idea to recheck the answer by asking a question in another way. Such as, simplified: “Is my name Riina?” (I would get) “Yes”. “Is it true that my name is Fanny?” (I would get) “No”. Also, think about alternative meanings… Such as me, I wanted to know whether a shop I needed was still in the location it used to be. I asked for it and got a “yes”. I went to see, the shop wasn’t there. Well, that’s what I thought. What my guides probably meant was that the building is still there, but the owners and what they offered was not.

Also, repeat questions another day, especially if your gut tells you there’s something not quite right.

How to use a pendulum safely (people who think it’s like an Ouija board, listen up)

Before you start, it is a good idea to ground yourself and protect yourself from malicious spirits and interfering energies. It’s simpler than you think, and I’ll just link you to a website that explains how to do both quite nicely. In short, you will connect yourself with the Earth core, and the Guides, and then create a protective shield for yourself and tell all spirits and forces not approved or invited by your guides to go away.

Sometimes you might notice your pendulum doesn’t swing as strongly as normally. You may then ask if there are interfering energies around, and you may get a yes. If that’s the case, do or repeat your protection exercise, and when finished, ask if the energies are now clear. Your pendulum should swing more ‘eagerly’.

Things to note when using a pendulum

Sometimes your guides will tell you what you need to hear instead what is the truth. I noticed this fairly fast, as my guides know me. They knew that if they would tell me the truth, I would rush into that direction so fast, that I hadn’t had the time to stop and think it through, to consider all aspects of what that truth entailed. (Typical Aries.) So, if you get an answer you didn’t expect or that you feel is false, don’t discount the whole thing but consider if there might be reasons that you had to get a false answer for your own good.

For advanced users, there are things like pendulum dowsing charts around. You can print them out online or draw them yourself (if you have a good idea on how to use them). Some of them are easy to use, some not so much (like the alphabet dowsing charts… I need some practise)! I include this information so you don’t feel like you’re forever limited to yes or no answers. Remember to always ask if you should, can or may add a new tool into the system, such as dowsing chart, and also ask if you should use the specific chart or other tool. For example my dowsing system refused to play with a certain pack of charts for some reason, they kept telling me there was something wrong with them. I still don’t quite know what was wrong, but I found another source and they’re fine with them.

What you can ask of your pendulum

First… The pendulum in itself doesn’t have powers. What moves it is your own energies guided by your spirit guides and other forces. (All of which we may not be aware of.) This means, that it won’t tell you anything you don’t have an access to, what you wouldn’t know otherwise. Often this means predictions. If you are not psychic, you won’t turn into a psychic just because you own a pendulum. You may however ask your pendulum whether or not you have psychic abilities that you’re not aware of. Even if you have psychic abilities, it might be best to ask for probabilities than actual predictions. “Is it likely / possible that this will happen?”

Whether you are psychic or not, to start with you will want to err on the side of caution, and take any responses you get with a grain of salt. As my friend told me: “Run it through your bullshit detector first”.

A good phrase…

Often, there is no yes or no answers to the simplest of questions. There’s no “good” or “bad” most of the time. So, this phrase is really good to get around that: “All things considered, is it optimal that…” That will give a basis to get the best possible answer, rather than simple yes or no.

Have fun!!

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INFP
Childfree

Article source: http://www.sebastyne.net/spiritual/pendulum-dowsing-choose-pendulum/

Jan 19, 12

Are you one of those people who have trouble saying no? Join the club! I have had to figure this out for myself, not only because I find it terribly uncomfortable to say no, but also because I often get so excited about the proposed project that I simply find myself saying YES before I’ve considered things like… eh… Do I have time for this? So many times the advice is to “just say no, it’s perfectly okay, you have a right to say no” but it’s simply not so easy to do if you’re well… A woman, in most cases. So what to do:

1. Decide to sleep on every proposal whether or not you feel exited about it to start with or not. Make this a habit. Also take a sleep before saying yes to your OWN proposals!

2. Tell people that you’re going to sleep on it, and if you want, you can explain to them that it sounds like a great idea but you have to give it a good thought whether you have the time to put the required effort in. (Lay the ground for saying no, but this is a great way to say it so you don’t have to say a flat out no.)

3. Once you’re on your own and not under pressure, you’ll have time to consider two things: A) Do I really want to do this? (If you’re anything like me, in the morning it may not sound so flash anymore.) and B) How do I phrase the ‘no’ nicely, so that it leaves no wiggle room but is still a nice way to say it.

I call this “buying time”. You know how sometimes you wish you had thought about saying this or that instead what you blurted out in panic? This is one of those rare moments when you can go: “Okay, I’ll give it a thought and get back to you” and really consider whether you want to say no thank you, or say yes, please, bring it on!

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Article source: http://www.insightfulpath.net/life-coach2/tips-tricks-and-how-to/how-to-say-no/

Jan 19, 12

Are you one of those people who have trouble saying no? Join the club! I have had to figure this out for myself, not only because I find it terribly uncomfortable to say no, but also because I often get so excited about the proposed project that I simply find myself saying YES before I’ve considered things like… eh… Do I have time for this? So many times the advice is to “just say no, it’s perfectly okay, you have a right to say no” but it’s simply not so easy to do if you’re well… A woman, in most cases. So what to do:

1. Decide to sleep on every proposal whether or not you feel exited about it to start with or not. Make this a habit. Also take a sleep before saying yes to your OWN proposals!

2. Tell people that you’re going to sleep on it, and if you want, you can explain to them that it sounds like a great idea but you have to give it a good thought whether you have the time to put the required effort in. (Lay the ground for saying no, but this is a great way to say it so you don’t have to say a flat out no.)

3. Once you’re on your own and not under pressure, you’ll have time to consider two things: A) Do I really want to do this? (If you’re anything like me, in the morning it may not sound so flash anymore.) and B) How do I phrase the ‘no’ nicely, so that it leaves no wiggle room but is still a nice way to say it.

I call this “buying time”. You know how sometimes you wish you had thought about saying this or that instead what you blurted out in panic? This is one of those rare moments when you can go: “Okay, I’ll give it a thought and get back to you” and really consider whether you want to say no thank you, or say yes, please, bring it on!

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Article source: http://www.insightfulpath.net/blog/tips-tricks-and-how-to/how-to-say-no/

Jan 04, 12

To find out who we are, who we really are, we have to be open to alternative lifestyles. When I say “alternative lifestyles”, I don’t mean throwing all modern technology out the window and pledging to live in a 1800′s society, but rather making your own choices. There are few lifestyle choices that people generally don’t view as choices but rather milestones on a path they think they should follow in order to reach some kind of contentment. These things include things like getting a job, finding love, getting married, having children, getting a promotion, starting to play golf or going to the gym, buying a house and the like. How often do we stop and think any of this for ourselves? Do I really want a job or do I want to start a business? Maybe I want to live through donations or in a monastery? With love, do I want to love a man or a woman, do I want a monogamous relationship, do I want to get married? Do I want to live on a beach, forest or maybe on the road? Then, do I want to have or adopt children while I’m young, older or not at all? These are big things to choose from, and the choice of your life style will rule the way you live.

Do you remember a time in your childhood, when you wanted to do something Fun and Crazy, and totally doable, but your parents said it was out of the question? That’s when you probably decided that “once I’m grown up, you can’t tell me what to do!” Then you wouldn’t have considered it to be one of your lifestyle choices, but it probably was. Unfortunately, by the time you reached adulthood, you have been so heavily programmed into a certain way of thinking, that you actually think your ideal lifestyle is your own, or that you were the one making your own lifestyle choices. There is a lot of alternative lifestyles to choose from, and obviously, it could well be that you need to create a lifestyle of your own.

Do you remember when you were a teenager, you probably asked the question “why should I?” a few times, at least in your mind. I encourage you to revert back to the teen aged mode of living; questioning everything, being accepting to alternative lifestyles, that was when we felt we were able to do different lifestyle choices; Then you might have been completely cool with the idea of touring with your band ’till the day you die or starting a commune consisting only of your best friends. You probably wondered why it was that adults wanted you to learn this thing or that thing, or have your room nice and tidy.

Now there’s a good question. Why, if you do, why should you keep your home nice and tidy? Is it because you like it that way, truly, or is it because you would be mortified if someone dropped by unannounced and saw your  mess? This is, of course another one of the lifestyle choices we don’t normally question. Apparently it’s a part of growing up, a part of adulthood, to be willing and able to keep a clean and tidy environment. Clearly, some cleaning is essential to health, but apart from that – how much of it is really a must do?

The reason why we tend to go with the flow or the flock with even the biggest things in life is the fear of not being accepted; to be seen as weird. The fantastic thing is though, that the weirder you become, the more interesting you are. Have you ever told a friend that “Oh I love you so much because you’re so much like everyone else”? Another reason why we might shy away from making a change is the belief that “it’s the other people” do what you’d like to do, like somehow you didn’t deserve it or you couldn’t “pull it off”. When you find your own lifestyle though, it’ll feel completely natural – if you allow it to.

Lifestyle is so much more than just choosing the kind of carpet you like. It’s more than your house or your gadgets. There’s also a limitless amount of choices to make, and the only thing standing in your way to discover what you want out of your lifestyle is you. It’s not always easy to undo the programming put in place over years of socialization, but it’s doable.

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Article source: http://www.insightfulpath.net/featured/alternative-lifestyles-real-people/

Dec 29, 11

We all have been told a million times how to behave when you’re on a discussion board. There are some very common practises that webmasters do though, that are driving me crazy, and kill any wish to participate into a discussion. That is why I mainly run my own discussion boards, because I can easily control the administration practises on them – being the only one. Let’s go through a few do’s and don’ts, shall we?

1. Try not to be condescending when you point out that someone has posted in the wrong board.

It happens to the best of us; Sometimes we post in the wrong place. I did that last week, after frequently participating on several boards for the last 10 years or so, never being told I was out of line. I was mortified when a forum mod told me that “this board is not the place for your post”. This happened after I had read through each of the board descriptions and as nothing seemed to fit my post, I posted it on the board that said: “… and everything that doesn’t fit anywhere else”. I thought that would be the safe option, but I was pretty much told off by the admin and I think they updated my status somehow so that a notice “read the guidelines for newbies, this means you” came up! You betcha I din’t feel welcome! I had even thought that I could hang out on the board a bit as I had gained some experience using their product for about 5 years, and could be of some help to some new users… Let’s just say I’m not thinking that anymore.

The way I see it, if people post in the wrong board means that your navigation isn’t clear enough. Secondly, if your forum software doesn’t allow you to just move the topic to a more suitable location without treating the poster like a criminal, you have chosen the wrong software! By just stating that the post is in the wrong place and not moving it you’re forcing the user to break yet another rule: Do a double post. Both of these problems are things that you as the webmaster should work out, and you should rather apologise for the bad organisational functions of your board than treat the posters like they’ve done a poop on your dining table!

2. When you tell people they should not reply to an old (dead) thread AND that they shouldn’t repeat topics, you’re not making much sense.

When people face situations in their lives or using different products that they need support for, the situations can be similar, but they are still often slightly different. You CAN point them to a direction of an earlier topic, but you should do it respectfully (hope this helps, but if not please tell us more) and again, not treat them like they were idiots. No matter how many idiots there are not using the search function (and if your search function isn’t good enough, it’s again not their fault) you should assume for the first few times that this particular poster has done their best to find a solution for their problem prior to posting. If the same user repeatedly asks questions that have already been answered, then you might consider the possibility that you’ve done your job properly as a webmaster.

In my forum rules I have actually stated this: “Try to keep to a topic, and reply to even old topics when it suits, but do NOT reply to a topic by stating that we have already discussed that matter. We all love this topic, and that’s why we’re here, so a little repetition won’t kill anyone. Also, a good laugh is always more important than staying in the topic.” I was especially strong worded about this on a peer-support board, where people were going over their traumas… You need repetition. Each person needs to tell their story, reading that someone has gone through a similar trauma is not nearly as helpful. Often in tech support the situation isn’t exactly that much different. Some users may be so afraid of trying out new things, like your product, that they are nearly going through a trauma while settling in with your product. That’s the last time you want to insult their intelligence.

3. Shut down non-admin-policing

NOTHING is more annoying than a regular member that does the above, and the more frequently they do this, the more annoying it is. Either make them an admin and tell them that when you’re correcting people, be condescending only after they break a rule for the 5th time, or email them and tell them that you don’t need help administrating the forum at this time. If they continue doing this, seriously consider banning them, because this sort of behaviour is very disrupting and can drive people away from the board, no matter how much they like your board. (People won’t say much, because they usually treat this member as an authority, and some will even mistake them for an official administrator to start with. They also think that other members support this behaviour.) But again, if you have a board with someone doing your job for you… You should step up to the plate yourself – or officially appoint someone do that for you.

4. If you make your forum rules excessive or too lenient, you may lose members

Often when I join a forum, I read the forum rules to figure out what kind of a webmaster or administrator is running this board. Your rules are not only about making sure everyone behaves, but they are also a GREAT way to introduce your forum to your new users. The rules that are in place on a forum tells a lot about the culture, and that is why webmasters should not take them lightly. Depending on your the kind of discussion board you’re running, you may want to add a bit of humour or a casual tone into your rules, to make sure it is understood that your forum is a fun and relaxed one, rather than something you’d expect from a boarding school. Your rules also reveal what kind of members you have, or have had, because you’re likely to adjust your rules accordingly – which is a good idea. As a webmaster, you have to find a balance between a “everything goes” atmosphere and “you all do as I say or I’ll ban you on the spot” -attitude.

5. Having favorites amongst forum members is bad

A webmaster or forum administrator should avoid at all cost being caught as favouring a member over another, even if you do like a member over another one. You should do your best to make sure all rules apply to everyone the same way and there are no exceptions - apart maybe from yourself and your team… However, make sure you are making these exceptions for the best of your forum, and not as an ego booster for you or team.

6. Choosing the moderator team is crucial

It is probably the biggest decision you will make as a forum administrator, that who is going to become your a part of your moderator team. I have made a wrong choice myself, and I’ve heard countless of sad stories of people who have chosen the wrong person to trust. A good tip is to keep an eye out for people who WANT TO become moderators… That’s usually a bad sign. Power hungry people are drawn to the position of an administrator, and they should not be given power. You must find someone who is fair, who is not too eager to edit or delete posts at the slightest provocation, and someone who you can trust to have your forum’s best interest at heart. Remember this: Just because someone is technically skilled enough to become a moderator, it doesn’t mean they should be. This task requires more people skills than technical skills.

……….

These sort of practises make your board feel very unwelcome to join, and people who are shy to participate or are new to the whole thing are more likely to stay as “lurkers” because they don’t want to be told off. If you are running a “casual, relaxing and fun” board, it is even more important to stop doing this. It is not even that you’re insulting the offending members, sometimes when I read replies of this sort made to other people, I feel like c*** on their behalf. If you are running a board that you know that no topic can never be on the gray area between two boards, and you know every poster is familiar with your structure and with your definitions of topics, feel free to continue this condescending behaviour. If not… You know what to do: Put a sock in it!

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